That Twinkle

Incredible shot of my child's personality by Nadine ~ Lifeprints by Nadine

Do you have a child who has "that twinkle?"

You know if you do.

They feel things so strongly, they approach life differently, they are a challenge & a blessing to raise (aka. you both want to tear out your hair and then the next moment they might do or say something that melts your heart).

So, how do you handle a child with a twinkle - here are three things that have helped us...

 #1 ~ Make sure your child has LOTS of opportunity for physical activity.  Invest time & money (as you are able) in making sure they have an outlet for that twinkle.

#2 ~ Share control when you can with your child.  When you are dealing with a child who is always thinking of new ways to do things, or new ways to climb things, or new ways to just approach life in general - figure out how to make of choice of things when you can.  "Would you like to wear your jeans or your tan pants to church?" (the windpants aren't an option)  "Would you like to climb up to the third branch or the fourth branch on that tree?" (the top isn't an option)

#3 ~ Acknowledge your child's feelings - kids with a twinkle tend to feel things strongly.  Don't let them push your buttons when possible (yes, I know this is totally easier said then done...)  It helps me to think of my twinkle child and I like an old fashioned balance - when he is freaking, then I need to suck it up and hold it together to be able to help him calm back down.  Let's face it, it just doesn't end well when we both freak out...

Twinkle kids, when given good direction early on, are kiddos who change the world...they aren't afraid to try new things (maybe a cure for cancer?), they don't care as much what other kids think (pure pressure affects them differently), and they tend to see good & bad as fairly black & white, so they are bothered by things that aren't fair (working to help the homeless or food shelf?) and are capable of being kids and adults with high level of integrity.  They can come up with million ways to challenge our parenting, but also make us smile...

I love most of this post by Dr. Laura Markham for more info too ~
http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child

Do you have a "Twinkle" kid?  What tips / advice do you have for others who are raising one?

What amazing things has your "Twinkle" kid done or said?

Bossypants Vs. Being a Leader - Reframing how we think about our kids

My Third Born "Intense / Spirited" Child (Lifeprints by Nadine)

This year I taught one particular lesson more than any other.  It became my favorite lesson to teach when I subbed and the one that my classes evaluated the lesson that had the most impact on their parenting.

It was a lesson on relabeling how we think about our children. 

First, we began with a basic understanding about what temperament is and how it is something that is a part of us from birth (or even before that depending on the research you read!) and sticks with us through life.  Researchers have determined that our temperament really doesn't change much over our lifetime - what does change is our ability to cope with it.  We began with a simple temperament scale, but here is an awesome online version to learn more about your kids: http://www.readyforlife.org/temperament/quiz/start

After we charted our temperaments and our child's temperament then we looked at the ways we are similar and different to our children.  Sometime when we have very similar traits to our children it can make us feel like two peas in a pod, but other times it can feel like too much!  Other times when we are very different it can feel like a healthy balance, but it can also be hard to understand our child's perspective.

Then came my favorite part - coming up with a list of all those labels that we perceive as "negative." 
Bossy
Whiny
Messy
Hyper / Busy
and many more...

Then together we worked on finding the good aspect of those "negative" traits -
Bossy = Leader, Determined
Whiny = can be a great Advocate for Themselves
Messy = these children are usually very Creative
Hyper / Busy = Spirited, Love for life and learning

You get the idea - so the whole process leads to a reframing of how we think about our children and their temperament traits that drive us nuts at times. 

• My oldest is a whiner at times with a spirit that is almost too gentle.  He, however, is SO compassionate and empathetic that I need to not "wish away" those parts of who he is just for a tougher kid.
• My oldest daughter has a temper and a fire in her eyes much of the time.  She is also so determined to finish / learn anything she sets her mind to.  That determination will serve her well!
• My third born is intense.  Everything about him is intense, but that child has a love for life and a desire to explore that I would never change.
• And my baby, who is now two, is definitely willing to make sure her voice is heard.  Sometimes it is a bit draining to have her tug on my pants and ask for milk 15 times in a row, but her persistence is a good thing!

Those traits are two side of the same coin - a description given by Jenelle Peters in a talk I got to see her give on this subject - we cannot have one side of the coin without the other.  Reframing to see the positive has helped me often in my parenting and I hope it is useful for you too!

What are your child's temperament traits that are challenging to you as a parent?
How can you "relabel" some of those negative thoughts that you have about their behaviors?

Peace

Summer 2010, Lifeprints by Nadine

Do you have a child who needs peace?

This is a hard thing to need when you are in the smack middle of a family of 6.  My oldest daughter is wired so much like her father...they are built the same physically (long torsos, square shoulders), are both introverts (neither of them minds being along for long stretches of time), and both have a "slow to warm" approach to life (they like to observe first).  These are all great things they are different needs from any of my other children.  As she has begun kindergarten this year it has become so clear that many days when she comes home she is in need of quiet space and time to herself.

She shows me this by letting the little things become big things, by snapping at all of us, and especially by lashing out at her brothers.  These are my cues to help her understand that while she doesn't need a "time out" punishment, she does need a time out to help her body and mind calm down.  I usually have her go to her room and shut the door.  She usually ends up cleaning her room - she loves to organize, I think she finds it cathartic.  When she comes out she is refreshed a new little person -

Do you have a little one in your life that clearly needs a peaceful space / time in their day?
How do you help them carve this out?
If this is you in your home, how do you help create a little peace for yourself?