Bossypants Vs. Being a Leader - Reframing how we think about our kids

My Third Born "Intense / Spirited" Child (Lifeprints by Nadine)

This year I taught one particular lesson more than any other.  It became my favorite lesson to teach when I subbed and the one that my classes evaluated the lesson that had the most impact on their parenting.

It was a lesson on relabeling how we think about our children. 

First, we began with a basic understanding about what temperament is and how it is something that is a part of us from birth (or even before that depending on the research you read!) and sticks with us through life.  Researchers have determined that our temperament really doesn't change much over our lifetime - what does change is our ability to cope with it.  We began with a simple temperament scale, but here is an awesome online version to learn more about your kids: http://www.readyforlife.org/temperament/quiz/start

After we charted our temperaments and our child's temperament then we looked at the ways we are similar and different to our children.  Sometime when we have very similar traits to our children it can make us feel like two peas in a pod, but other times it can feel like too much!  Other times when we are very different it can feel like a healthy balance, but it can also be hard to understand our child's perspective.

Then came my favorite part - coming up with a list of all those labels that we perceive as "negative." 
Bossy
Whiny
Messy
Hyper / Busy
and many more...

Then together we worked on finding the good aspect of those "negative" traits -
Bossy = Leader, Determined
Whiny = can be a great Advocate for Themselves
Messy = these children are usually very Creative
Hyper / Busy = Spirited, Love for life and learning

You get the idea - so the whole process leads to a reframing of how we think about our children and their temperament traits that drive us nuts at times. 

• My oldest is a whiner at times with a spirit that is almost too gentle.  He, however, is SO compassionate and empathetic that I need to not "wish away" those parts of who he is just for a tougher kid.
• My oldest daughter has a temper and a fire in her eyes much of the time.  She is also so determined to finish / learn anything she sets her mind to.  That determination will serve her well!
• My third born is intense.  Everything about him is intense, but that child has a love for life and a desire to explore that I would never change.
• And my baby, who is now two, is definitely willing to make sure her voice is heard.  Sometimes it is a bit draining to have her tug on my pants and ask for milk 15 times in a row, but her persistence is a good thing!

Those traits are two side of the same coin - a description given by Jenelle Peters in a talk I got to see her give on this subject - we cannot have one side of the coin without the other.  Reframing to see the positive has helped me often in my parenting and I hope it is useful for you too!

What are your child's temperament traits that are challenging to you as a parent?
How can you "relabel" some of those negative thoughts that you have about their behaviors?