Managing a Small Home and a Large Family

                                                            Baking Together - 2010
So, I know to some of you four children is a lot and to some four is a good place to start, right? 

Our home is full of small to medium size children and all of their things, plus a mom, an extra-tall dad and all of their things.  We try so hard to simplify and keep things streamlined, and we have come a long way, however for me there has to be a balance of living simply and letting my children have some space and things in the house! 

Because we all live here and we all play with our toys, read our books, eat food off of dishes here, then I firmly believe we should all share in the workload of keeping the home clean.  I believe families who play and WORK together stay together.  I want my children to experience the sense of accomplishment that comes from getting their "jobs" done during the day. 

I do not always excel at this, nor does every week go according to plan, but I have noticed that when I have a plan and share it with my family, things go way better!  If you know me or have had me as an ECFE teacher, you are probably sick of me talking about CLEAR EXPECTATIONS.  Being frustrated with how things are in your home - maybe you feel like you "do it all" is not a good feeling.  However, expecting people to read your mind is not reasonable either.

I recommend taking these steps for a streamlined home:

1. Develop a list of all the things you would like to have done in a week (examples - sweeping, dishes daily, trip to the library, meal planning, empty the litter box)
2. Sit down with your parenting partner and talk about how you are feeling - use only "I feel" statements - do NOT accuse.  (examples - "I feel overwhelmed with the house lately.  I feel like it would be good for us to have a plan.")
3. Work together to refine your list and divvy it up among yourselves and your children. 
4. Develop a format that works for you.  A check list, buckets with Popsicle sticks, a "chore chart," find what works for you.  It may take a few months of trial and error to find what suits your family.
5. Expect that you will do a considerable amount of "job training" to begin with.  Again, do NOT expect that your family can read your mind.  If you like things cleaned a certain way, you must "train" your household help!
6. Revisit the list often - ours has several basics that are in play every week, but I rotate the big cleaning jobs by week, so ours is printed up on Sundays and posted for the week

Here is the link to our weekly "To - Do" list - a few things to keep in mind if you view mine:

• My husband is currently working two jobs - teaching and coaching, so his help around the house is very minimal right now.  He loves using a format like this, because he is more than willing to help when needed, he just needs to know what needs done.
• I work and volunteer part - time and am home most days right now with our two little ones.
• Our children's regular jobs are separate from their allowance (a whole other post to come - kids and money), however they have different jobs available to them every week where they can earn more money.

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B-aKoDl-lVsjZ3F3TVVYS3dteDA


What have you learned about keeping your home running smoothly?
What jobs are your children in charge of at your home?

How much is enough?

                                                           Summer Soccer, 2010
Every year at about this time I begin to look at our summer schedule and try to piece it together.  At the ages my kiddos are at we are just entering into the world of outside activities.  In the past we have simply been trying to survive with babies, nursing, and getting to the grocery store and back.  Last year we added swim lessons, soccer for two kids, and summer camp for one. 

Sounds good, right?  So why do I feel so much pressure to sign my kids up for so many things?  All of the opportunities sound so wonderful - there are chances for them to learn how to do so many things - sports, arts, music, and more.  How do you choose as a parent?  How do you keep pleasantly busy without running yourself ragged through the summer?

I don't know.  However, I do know myself and the things that I want to experience with my kids this summer.  You could say I have a goal, a purpose in mind.  I want them to be able to enjoy summer activities, but I don't want the activities to edge out family time and experiences we can have together.  I crave a balance of organized chances for my children to spread their wings and time together at home to be bored together.

So, how do I accomplish my goal?  By taking things year by year.  This summer my baby is 2 1/2, which is a considerably easier age to take places than a 1 1/2 year old, and that allows us to do different things.  I also take a good look at our budget and get some firm numbers in mind for how we are going to spend our limited summer income.  (check out http://imom.com/tools/get-organized/extracurricular-monthly-cost-worksheet/ for a worksheet to help you keep track of this)  I include my older children in some of these decisions too, allowing them some limited choices on what to register for.  Along with the opportunity for them to gain that control through choices is also the opportunity for them to learn perseverance through the gentle reminders that we will finish the commitments that we have agreed to do.

How do you decide how much is enough for you family?
Do you think different families have different "thresholds" of activity?
What is your secret for a pleasant summertime with kids?  

Bossypants Vs. Being a Leader - Reframing how we think about our kids

My Third Born "Intense / Spirited" Child (Lifeprints by Nadine)

This year I taught one particular lesson more than any other.  It became my favorite lesson to teach when I subbed and the one that my classes evaluated the lesson that had the most impact on their parenting.

It was a lesson on relabeling how we think about our children. 

First, we began with a basic understanding about what temperament is and how it is something that is a part of us from birth (or even before that depending on the research you read!) and sticks with us through life.  Researchers have determined that our temperament really doesn't change much over our lifetime - what does change is our ability to cope with it.  We began with a simple temperament scale, but here is an awesome online version to learn more about your kids: http://www.readyforlife.org/temperament/quiz/start

After we charted our temperaments and our child's temperament then we looked at the ways we are similar and different to our children.  Sometime when we have very similar traits to our children it can make us feel like two peas in a pod, but other times it can feel like too much!  Other times when we are very different it can feel like a healthy balance, but it can also be hard to understand our child's perspective.

Then came my favorite part - coming up with a list of all those labels that we perceive as "negative." 
Bossy
Whiny
Messy
Hyper / Busy
and many more...

Then together we worked on finding the good aspect of those "negative" traits -
Bossy = Leader, Determined
Whiny = can be a great Advocate for Themselves
Messy = these children are usually very Creative
Hyper / Busy = Spirited, Love for life and learning

You get the idea - so the whole process leads to a reframing of how we think about our children and their temperament traits that drive us nuts at times. 

• My oldest is a whiner at times with a spirit that is almost too gentle.  He, however, is SO compassionate and empathetic that I need to not "wish away" those parts of who he is just for a tougher kid.
• My oldest daughter has a temper and a fire in her eyes much of the time.  She is also so determined to finish / learn anything she sets her mind to.  That determination will serve her well!
• My third born is intense.  Everything about him is intense, but that child has a love for life and a desire to explore that I would never change.
• And my baby, who is now two, is definitely willing to make sure her voice is heard.  Sometimes it is a bit draining to have her tug on my pants and ask for milk 15 times in a row, but her persistence is a good thing!

Those traits are two side of the same coin - a description given by Jenelle Peters in a talk I got to see her give on this subject - we cannot have one side of the coin without the other.  Reframing to see the positive has helped me often in my parenting and I hope it is useful for you too!

What are your child's temperament traits that are challenging to you as a parent?
How can you "relabel" some of those negative thoughts that you have about their behaviors?

Peace

Summer 2010, Lifeprints by Nadine

Do you have a child who needs peace?

This is a hard thing to need when you are in the smack middle of a family of 6.  My oldest daughter is wired so much like her father...they are built the same physically (long torsos, square shoulders), are both introverts (neither of them minds being along for long stretches of time), and both have a "slow to warm" approach to life (they like to observe first).  These are all great things they are different needs from any of my other children.  As she has begun kindergarten this year it has become so clear that many days when she comes home she is in need of quiet space and time to herself.

She shows me this by letting the little things become big things, by snapping at all of us, and especially by lashing out at her brothers.  These are my cues to help her understand that while she doesn't need a "time out" punishment, she does need a time out to help her body and mind calm down.  I usually have her go to her room and shut the door.  She usually ends up cleaning her room - she loves to organize, I think she finds it cathartic.  When she comes out she is refreshed a new little person -

Do you have a little one in your life that clearly needs a peaceful space / time in their day?
How do you help them carve this out?
If this is you in your home, how do you help create a little peace for yourself?