Why I Run.

Not me, what I imagine I look like ;)

I have not been a runner for many, many years, however 4 babies in 5 years pushed me to need to find something - something to do that would be for me.  Something that would help my mental health and my physical health.  Something that I could feel a personal sense of accomplishment about.  So many wonderful things about parenting are such a process - I needed something with an immediate result.

I began by running one block and walking one block.  I was in bad shape in the beginning.  I was quite overweight and have bad joints - not a good combination.  BUT I kept going.  My husband bought me a shuffle for Mother's Day to listen to while I ran - it helped immensely in the beginning - kept me from hearing my own heavy breathing.  Now I rarely use it, but prefer the quiet of the road instead.

My kids are incredibly supportive of this endeavor of mine and occasionally ask to go with.  I would love to share this love with them.  Not that they all need to be runners, but I like that they think it looks fun enough to try.  It is so fun to run with them around the block, they all approach running very differently!

My husband is my champion.  He helps me to make the time to get this done every week.  I am not a daily runner, that will never be the case for me and my arthritis, but I feel awesome when I can get out 2-3 times a week.

For me to be selfish and claim this time out - on a good week it ends up being about 3 hours for the week of running - spills over into the other parts of my life.  I am less irritable.  I feel healthier and therefore I eat healthier and therefore I have more energy for my family.  My brain has had a clear space - a quiet time - to process things that are bugging me or things that I am excited about.

I am an outdoor runner.  To be outdoors has always energized me.  I made a point to get the gear to be able to run outside in MN all winter long.  It was beautiful - I highly reccomend it!

I am a competitive person.  It has helped me to enter races to keep myself motivated to keep pushing myself to run farther and faster, however I do just run for the enjoyment of running.  I recently finished my first 10K and am curious if my body can accomplish a half marathon someday.  I am not a fast runner and frankly I really don't care.  It feels good to finish and over time I will get better.  Every race I come home from my kids ask if I won.  In my own way I did every time.

Every parent needs something for themselves.  It might be reading a non-picture book for 15 minutes a day.  It might be scrapbooking at night after kids are down to bed.  It might be fishing by yourself one night a week.  If you need ideas think about what you enjoyed doing before kids - are there things you would like to do again?  Can you make it happen for yourself?  Can you hire a sitter once a month for yourself?  Or trade childcare with a friend?  There are lots of ways to make this happen (and LOTS of guilt that we feel doing it - taking time for ourselves).  If you are parenting with a spouse or partner be honest with them, be specific about what you would like to do and why.  Clear expectations people.

Conversely, every parent needs to be flexible.  There are going to be times when you want or even need to have some time and space to yourself and it is not going to happen because your children and/or family will need you.  This is tricky, it is easy to become bitter about this.  Do your best to stay flexible, to let your family know you are there for them and you will get done what needs to get done and make a plan for yourself to rearrange a time for you to get that little time for you.  What I am saying is that there will be times that you have to BE THE PARENT and simply suck it up and keep going for awhile.  Just don't let that go on forever or you will burn out.

How do you create a little time for yourself?
What do you enjoy doing when you have the chance?  Read? Fish? Run? Other things?
Why do you think it matters to get a chance to do these things?  What is it modeling to your kids?

The Most Powerful Way to Teach Your Child

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.   ~Robert Fulghum

As my children have grown a little bit older it has been fascinating to hear things come out of their mouths that drive me nuts for one moment, then after a chance to ponder what was said I realize that it is something that I say or a way I react at times.

This is one of the most frustrating things for me as a parent.  I want my children to be better than I am.  I want to bequest them a gentle spirit, a slow temper, and grace.  However, these things are not things that have ever come naturally to me.  I struggle with being graceful, gentle, and slow to explode.  How can I possibly hope to pass along a better chance for my children?

One way (there are many) that I work through my weakness with my children is to point them out, tell briefly why I struggle and what outcome I would prefer.  At no point do I dismiss any behavior that they have chosen that is not acceptable, however I do often apologize if I have chosen to behave in a way I would not allow them too - ie. yelling.

My four year old son has been talking a lot lately about the "Golden Rule"  that we have at our house.  He tells our friends, random people in the grocery store, and our family, he is very proud of it.  And really a lot of modeling for our children does boil down to the Golden Rule in my mind.  Do I want to be treated like I am treating my children?  They DO need consequences for their actions - negative and positive, but are my consequences delivered in a respectful way?  One that allows my children to grow and develop good habits, and good reactions to the world around them.  Do I carry myself in a way that I would be happy to see my children replicate?

Here are two books that we really enjoy as a family that talk about the Golden Rule -
Berenstain Bears -
http://www.amazon.com/Berenstain-Bears-Golden-Living-Lights/dp/0310712475/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1336394699&sr=8-4

Do Unto Otters -
http://www.amazon.com/Do-Unto-Otters-About-Manners/dp/0312581408/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1336394797&sr=8-2

Taken as a whole this is a VERY intimidating idea.  No one can act perfectly all of the time, nor should we expect to, however we must remember that how we live our lives has a more powerful influence on our children than we can ever imagine.  Do you give to others?  Do you treat the store clerk with respect?  Do you open doors for the elderly?  Think about small ways you can be a positive model for your children and keep building on it!

What are things you are proud of modeling for your kids?
How do you help your kids work through attitudes and words that they need to improve?

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

My little Captain America & his punching bag

Hitting, biting, kicking, punching, spitting, licking.  All things that my children have done to each other on an occasional basis.  We have not dealt with chronic biters, which I am grateful for.  We had not dealt with any of these things on a wide scale until we had our beautiful, intense third born child.

This boy was born ready.  He arrived after we had been at the hospital for just under 1 hour.  My previous labors has put me in the hospital for at least 12 hours of my labor.  He came so quickly that one nurse had my doctor on the phone and the other nurse called down for the on-duty ER doctor to please come up.

There are so many things that I have come to learn through this child.  He will try something just to see what happens, or to simply see if he can do it.  Among other places I have found him (under the age of 4) on top of the van, on the ledge of the deck, and on a friend's roof (a low hanging roof over a deck).  I realized that none of these things had I specifically told him "not" to do.  He is a smart kid and will keep thinking of things to try that I will not have anticipated.  So, for the past two years I have been drilling into his brain that he needs to make "safe choices."  We talk OFTEN about what this means.  We talk about how it makes mom and dad feel when he does NOT make a safe choice.  And we also compliment him whenever we can we we notice he DID make a safe choice.

Hitting has been the single other biggest struggle so far with this child.  He has the need to constantly move and constantly hit things - most of all his brother.  So after incessant reminders, time-outs, and talks about being gentle my mom and I were talking one day and came up with the idea of a punching bag.  After doing some research and checking out Craig's List, we found an awesome bag.  It does take up space in our house, however it has been such an amazing fit for the needs of my child, I would gladly do it again.  We have all enjoyed using it - whether it be to work out (me), get out some anger (my 6 year old), or just have fun trying it (everybody else).

Do you deal with any active children in your home?
How do you encourage them to make "safe choices?"
Would you ever consider something like the punching bag to help fill a need of your child (something to bite for a biter, something to spit on for a spitter)?